Morgan (lilprincessmo) wrote,

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there are no math problems in this post, honest!

i was cleaning my closet when i found these 'vocab stories' that i wrote in mr wells's English class freshman year. i laughed SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO hard when i read them, i absolutely HAD to post them on here for everyone else's enjoyment. :)


(written 11/6/01)

One day, when I was walking to my anatomy class, I saw a diabolical senior unscrupulously beating up a freshman. This gave me a lot of disaffection for the senior, so, hoping that the senior was placable, I yelled capriciously, “Hey, if you don’t conduct yourself better and stop picking on freshmen just because of their clemency, I’ll beat you up!”

The senior guy looked really scared and ran away. It was really comical, since I’d never beaten anyone up before, and I was scared to even get into a fight.

Then, Jackie Chan walked up behind me and said, “Wow, you’re a great fighter! It is a stipulation that you star in my next movie! What is your name? I have to put it in the credits.”

It was imperceptible to me that I was talking to Jackie Chan, so I pinched myself, alluding that I might be dreaming. But I wasn’t dreaming, so I superciliously said, “Hi Jackie, my name’s Morgan. Well, how much will I get paid to be in your movie?”

“What? You don’t get paid. Even I don’t get paid to be in my own movie!” said Jackie plaintively.

“Fine then, Jackie, I won’t be in your stupid movie!” I yelled audaciously. “I won’t condescend to your paycheck! I must be endowed!” But I still didn’t feel felicitous enough, so I screamed, “HIYAH!” and ran toward him. I karate kicked him in the head and he fell over.

A big crowd of students had gathered around us in the hall. A couple of pious kids went to call an ambulance. I was very proud of myself for winning a fight against Jackie Chan. So I yelled, “Look, everybody, I just kicked Jackie Chan’s butt!” Then, gloating, I broke away from the crowd.

“Hey, where are you going?” asked the freshman who I’d saved from the senior.
“To sign up for karate lessons!” I answered.


(written 5/13/02)

One day, as I was walking down the causeway against the blusterous wind, I realized that I was irresolute on where I was going. So I stopped to ask an inconceivably hot guy which direction it was to get home.

The hot guy wasn’t sure, so he asked me if I had a map he could look at to remind him of where he was. As I was digging around in my purse for my map, knocking tampons and makeup all over the place, I realized that my demeanor was pretty ineffectual in getting him to ask for my number.

Thinking I was being pretty slick, I said, “Oh, well, I can’t find my map, but we can just walk around together until we find someplace familiar, even if it’s insupportable.” I turned around, took a step—and suddenly found myself devolving down a flight of stairs.

After landing at the bottom of the stairs, I tried to laugh it off, calling up to the hot guy, “Don’t worry! I’m okay, I just feel like such a farthing!”

“WHAT?” yelled the guy, “You feel like farting??? Ew! I’m leaving; find your own way home!”

The moral of this story is: Never say your vocab words to inapt guys!

OMG. AWESOMEST LITERARY WORKS I HAVE EVER READ. i should totally publish those. i was such a talented writer when i was a freshman!
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